42 Things You Only Understand if You’ve Been to England

You know you’ve been to England if you’ve…

1. Taken a photo with all your friends squishing into a red telephone box

2. Purchased 11 Union Jack coffee mugs for all your family

3. Attempted to speak in an English accent and mildly offend a local

4. Pretended to enjoy drinking tea 126 times a day

5. Reimagined what your entire life story would have been like if you’d studied in beautiful Oxford

6. Tried to record a local’s lovely English accent and send it to your best friend without being discovered

7. Looked in awe at how green everything is

8. Sat in a bar and not understood the difference between stouts, lagers, ales, blonde beers, malts, pale ales and so on and on and on…

9. Started to say ‘sorry’ all the time to try to fit in

10. Been surprised at how good the food is

11. Been even more surprised at how good the curry is

12. Found out it’s true: the English are exceptionally good at queuing

13. Felt like you’re in a Hugh Grant movie just because you hailed a black taxi

14. Asked your Rabbie’s driver-guide, “are you always this polite or is it just for the customers?”

15. Touched a stone circle in case it provides ancient pagan superpowers

16. Found out no one really knows what the Queen does

17. Wondered what royalty did with all 2,672 rooms in their palaces

18. Hoped you’d see one of the thousands of celebrities that live in London even though you’re sat in a McDonald’s

19. Sounded ridiculous as you’ve tried to pronounce any of the following places: Gloucestershire, Alnwick Castle, Worcestershire, Marylebone, or the River Thames

20. Imagined life in the Cotswolds to be like living in a fairy tale where Goldilocks and the three bears are your best friends

21. Wondered whether there’s anything the English won’t put in a pie

22. Been confused about why a polite local didn’t correct you when you continuously pronounced their name wrong for three days straight

23. Learnt that talking about the weather is the secret way to make English people automatically love you

24. Looked at two separate taps for hot and cold water and wondered how on earth anyone could live like this

25. Discovered sheep in England are softer, more beautiful, and polite than regular sheep

26. Felt sick after the first time you ate a full English breakfast

27. Felt like you needed a full English breakfast to stop feeling sick after a night out at the pub

28. Decided you want a full English breakfast every weekend for the rest of your life

29. Wondered why red double-decker buses aren’t used for transporting everyone and anything anywhere

30. Contemplated whether England or Scotland is more beautiful in the Lake District National Park

31. Pretended you understood the political relationship England has with the British Virgin Islands, Scotland, Gibraltar, Wales, and Australia

32. Listened to every Beatles song as you travelled through the country

33. Been shocked at how important the Vikings were for everything English

34. Loved being called ‘mate’ by every stranger you met

35. Seriously considered whether you’d rather live in Warwick Castle, Windsor Palace or Blenheim Palace

36. Wanted to dress up as a knight and reenact every King Arthur and Robin Hood scene you’ve ever seen

37. Wandered through London Museum choosing which things would look great in your living room

38. Listened to local people argue over how to pronounce ‘scone’

39. Hummed the James Bond theme tune whenever you saw a vintage sports car

40. Been in Bath and questioned why people didn’t create gorgeous Georgian architecture in every city everywhere

41. Wanted to know whether thatched roof cottages actually keep out the rain

42. Looked at a map of Britain and planned twenty years’ worth of trips back to England